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Post by deloye on Oct 17, 2010 11:44:22 GMT -5
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Post by GordonTheWritefag on Oct 17, 2010 15:44:05 GMT -5
It's certainly amusing, but it could use a bit of work. The rather dialogue-heavy backstory could use a little less... well, dialogue. It's nice that you have some sorts of sequences planned out already, but you could probably just summarize them rather than draw them out like that. Otherwise, good job.
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Post by deloye on Oct 17, 2010 16:33:46 GMT -5
Thanks for the input. Everyone always tells me I have too much dialogue...
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Post by GordonTheWritefag on Oct 17, 2010 16:59:27 GMT -5
If you write a fic, or something, whose would be excellent sequences to use. My thought is that you should copy and paste these sequences onto a document to remember them.
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Post by deloye on Oct 20, 2010 14:49:33 GMT -5
Anyone else have thoughts?
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Sariel
New Member
ಠ_ಠ
Posts: 17
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Post by Sariel on Oct 20, 2010 19:16:52 GMT -5
I like him!
The backstory's a bit excessive, yeah, but it really familiarized me with your character. I love Hippocampus already.
He has a nice balance of character attributes and isn't excessively Sue-ish or bland, having both negative and positive attributes and making for a nice round character.
Gonna be cool to see your writing style in a roleplay setting.
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